Nurturing Executive Function in Children

Your child sits down to start homework, but within minutes they’re fidgeting, distracted, and suddenly “remember” they need a snack, a different pencil, or to tell you a funny story. You may wonder—is this just "typical" behavior, or grounds for concern?

The answer is not truly "typical" or not, but a framework to apply is found in a set of brain-based skills called executive function.

These skills are the brain’s “air traffic control system,” helping us manage thoughts, actions, and emotions so all people can accomplish tasks.

For students, strong executive function is the difference between feeling overwhelmed and feeling capable.

What Exactly Is Executive Function?

Think of executive function (EF) as three key tools in your child’s toolbox:

1. Working Memory – The ability to hold information in their mind and use it, like remembering multi-step instructions or keeping track of what to say next in a conversation.

2. Cognitive Flexibility – Flexible thinking and adaptability, like being able to regroup when plans change or try a new problem-solving approach.

3. Inhibitory Control – The ability to pause before acting, make thoughtful choices, and manage impulses.

When these skills are strong, kids can plan ahead, follow through, and manage big feelings in healthy ways.

Signs Your Child May Be Struggling

Every child has off days, but consistent struggles with EF might look like:

• Difficulty focusing or following directions.

• Trouble starting (or finishing) homework and chores.

• Getting stuck on small details and losing sight of the big picture.

• Meltdowns when routines or rules change.

• Misplacing belongings regularly.

• Poor time management, even with reminders.

And it changes with age:

• Younger kids might give up easily, insist on doing things “their way,” or have frequent emotional outbursts.

• Middle schoolers might forget assignments, lose materials, or get sidetracked mid-task.

• Teens might overcommit, miss deadlines, or act impulsively despite knowing better.

Why Some Kids Struggle More

Some children’s brains develop EF skills at a slower pace. Genetics, family modeling, and learning differences can all play a role. Importantly, intelligence and executive function don’t always grow at the same rate—a bright child can still find planning and organization difficult.

How to Strengthen Executive Function at Home

The good news? These skills can be taught and strengthened—just like learning to ride a bike or play an instrument. Here are some parent-tested strategies:

1. Build Self-Control Muscles

• Play games like “Freeze” or “Simon Says” to make practicing self-control fun.

• Help your child label their feelings so they can name what they’re experiencing.

• Role-play common frustrations (like losing a game) and model healthy reactions.

• Praise effort over outcome to boost confidence.

2. Organize the Chaos

• Use a “backpack map” and color-coded supplies to make packing easier.

• Create a dedicated homework space stocked with essentials.

• Use checklists and a shared family calendar to keep everyone on track.

3. Encourage Flexible Thinking

• Tell jokes, make puns, or play word games to keep thinking quick!

• Try puzzles and board games that require strategy shifts, old school (cards, puzzles, pen and paper stuff)

• When plans change, talk through the adjustment together so your child sees flexibility in action (the willingness to bounce back-- it some cases it may even present like the ability)

The Long Game: Patience, Practice, Progress

Strengthening executive function isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress.

Kids need repetition, modeling, and encouragement to build these skills.

Small wins—like remembering to pack their homework without being told—are big steps toward independence.

As a parent, understanding why your child struggles can be the most powerful tool you have. With the right strategies, you can help them feel less stressed, more confident, and more in control of their day.